Why Women Love the Narcissist: Women in divorce recovery fight their way back to confidence and happiness with a new self-help program.
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Carlsbad, CA, 02/06/2010
Narcissism. “It is a hated word that ironically means to love one’s self. Sadly, many women come to develop an intimate understanding of narcissistic men through their own suffering, sometimes because of divorce, or if lucky before marriage occurs.” Dr. Camu says of his psychology practice, “the number of women experiencing the aftermath of the narcissist has doubled by my estimate.”
Why women love immature men
He is commonly attractive. Perhaps refined and elegant, or sporty and ruggedly appealing. If not physically striking he has his own charm and charisma. It may be his intellect, sophistication, or even self-assuredness. He seemed so confident in whatever it was he was doing. And you believed it. He was successful; or at least it seemed that way. He was successful in business or as a father with his children, or he would be successful as he forecast his plans for achievement and shared these dreams with a believable passion. You probably felt loved and maybe for the first time in your life, truly safe. He does not fit one description because by definition he is a cunning manipulator; consequently, he was exactly what YOU needed at that time in your life.
Whatever the appeal, the narcissist casts his spell over his target for one purpose only—to meet his needs. More precisely, his need is to use his partner as an object to manage his own deeply profound immaturity. His immaturity is developmental. He is a damaged partner with dents and horrible private fears of inadequacy and worthlessness. And you will be the recipient of his true ugliness.
Women Most Vulnerable to the Narcissist:
Romantic and loving
Optimistic and see the best in others
Wanting to feel safe and protected by a confident man
Giving and caring
How To Avoid the Narcissist:
Listen to his behavior, not his words
Watch for how he displays feelings (all positive is not good)
If he HAS IT ALL, he doesn’t
Address your own insecurities in therapy
Work on developing your own Real confidence
Don’t ignore B-flags (behavioral warning signs that make you uncomfortable)
Yes, be judgmental and critical, even if you see yourself as a good person
So commonly, infidelity spells the demise of the marriage or romantic relationship. Many women are left stunned, only to discover the truth of the man they married. Not surprisingly it is the woman in the relationship who must re-develop trust in herself, having lost self-confidence, starting to believe the criticisms of her partner. In the end and in a divorce, it is the woman that feels the full fury of the narcissist’s insecurity. To protect himself from the painful rejection of his wife/partner and her unwillingness to be his prisoner any longer, he will rage on her. He may have a new sex partner (object) who is scarcely out of her teens. He may withhold finances, fight over the children even when he has little interest in being a father, or he may become more emotionally and physically abusive than the woman has ever seen.
Dr. Camu who is known for divorce recovery, therapy, and his diagnostic expertise with reality television shows suggested, “the narcissist presents with everything you want and need, but he will ultimately try to control, demean and belittle you so he can feel powerful.”
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Content copyright 2009-2011. Jason Camu, Psy.D. All rights reserved.